when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
