honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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