chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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