Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
