I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
