you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
