Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize