He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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