Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Crop dusting thru forever 21
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
