omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
