my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
