when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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