google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im holly from the hills drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
