Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
