I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize