You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
