and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
