Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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