no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
