I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
