they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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