I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize