If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
