No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
