Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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