Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
