accomplished twins. life is a go
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just blew my weed a kiss
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
