I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My ass is underappreciated
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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