"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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