I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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