Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
