do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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