My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
do nipples grow back?
Randomize