the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
