i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
