he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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