we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
