why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize