I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
