You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
