She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
