I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
