my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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