Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
