I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
