Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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