I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
