absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
