Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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