I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
