I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The power of my boobs compel you
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize