every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
