he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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