last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found the puke drawer
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
