Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
