my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
