I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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