Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
