Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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