Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
