So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
