i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
