i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She needs sedatives and a leash
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
