I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
